Tis The Season To Lie To Your Children

Fa la la la laaaaa la.la.la.la.
I tell more lies during holiday season than I do all year long.

 

And I REALLY suck at lying.  For real.  Ask anyone.  It’s totally obvious when I’m lying and most everyone can see right through my bullshit.

 

Luckily Sassypants hasn’t been able to pinpoint my vulnerabilities just yet.  So all of the lies about Santa, the candy fairy, and now Elf on the Shelf  are going through undetected.

 

If you don’t know what Elf on the Shelf is, then you possibly don’t have small hellions children.

 

 

It’s the latest parenting craze to keep your kids in line during the holidays with bribery and thinly veiled threats masked as Christmas spirit.  Basically your stuffed elf has one job.  And that is to keep an eye on your kids behavior and report back to Santa on his findings.    Sound like lazy parenting?  Creepy spy tactics?

 

I LOVE IT.

And it works.

 

We’ve had some slight attitude issues with Sassy lately mainly because she’s a four year old and has an opinion.  About everything.  And she likes everyone to know her opinion.  About everything.  Which will be GREAT when she’s an adult, but a leeeeeetle annoying at four.  It makes me turn into “JUST DO WHAT I SAY!!!” mommy dearest mode.

 

Enter Harry the Elf.

harry the elf on the shelf shenanigans

 

Harry is our elf.  He appeared in our dining room riding a rainbow unicorn one day when Sassy came home from school.  He had written her a nice little note and brought her a ringpop.  And from then on- his rules were sacred.

Rule #1.  He cannot be touched

Rule #2.  He will report EVERYTHING back to Santa so you better be on your best behavior.

Rule #3.  He cannot talk.

Rule #4.  No you cannot touch the elf.  He loses his magic.

Rule #5.  He likes to get into night time shenanigans so every morning he will be caught doing something cute and in a different location.  So you KNOW he went to see Santa while you were sleeping.

Rule #6.  LEAVE THE EFFING ELF ALONE.

 

The good thing about this little lie is that Harry’s law is GOLD.  The minute she acts up- a little nod to Harry is all it takes and she immediately gets crackin on the good behavior.

 

The bad part?   I have to move that damn elf every night.

 

Last year- she didn’t quite get it so Harry was lazy and just slept on our shelf all season.  This year?  She bolts out of bed, gets dressed quickly (because Santa likes quickly dressed children) and runs to find him first thing in the morning.

 

Which means that at around midnight the night before- I bolt out of bed with a groan mumbling “crap!  I forgot to move the damn elf!”

 

But there are plenty of parents in the same predicament.  Most of them are WAY more creative than I am.

 

So much so that they devote entire blog series to Elf Shenanigans.

 

Check out Lil Blue Boo and her series on elf locations.   Cute, right??  And now check out her series on what happens when Elves go wild.   I died.  So freaking funny.  I was merely stalking Pinterest to find cute Elf ideas when I discovered her blog and this gem.

Want to spit your coke onto your computer screen?  Read this post about over achieving elf loving moms.

^that is exactly how I felt last year.

 

THIS year?  I’m going to be that overachieving elf mom.  It’s become a goal of mine.  That farking elf will be moved every.single.night and engage in wildly cute and not at all creepy elfish antics.

 

But maybe you like to engage your little elf into activities not at all suitable for the littles…

 

My friend Jill over at Baby Rabies is hosting the second annual Inappropriate Elf competition on her blog.  Which was the creation stemmed from one  hilarious night where she may have had too much time on her hands, wine, and access to her camera.  The force is strong with this one.   I cannot wait to see all of the entries.

 

I might even enter myself…

 

Just so you know what I would be up against:

Last year’s winner.

Adventure Mama Elf on the Shelf D*ck in a box

 

What kind of shenanigans can Harry get himself into?

[signoff]

 

 

*Affiliate links are directly tied to the My Little Pony Rescue foundation.

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About Elizabeth

I am a working mom of two amazing kids. In my "spare" time, if I had any- I would love to run, sew, take photos, bake, create recipes, attempt DIY projects, write, shop, drink wine, eat chocolate (without gaining weight), and sleep. Welcome to my site!
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2 Responses to Tis The Season To Lie To Your Children

  1. Suzan says:

    Oh! I love this. My kids are so old and I had never heard of this while they were little enough to get it, but now I want to go get one just so I can make him do crazy things around the house. Maybe Christmas 2013?

    • Elizabeth says:

      It’s definitely funny to me. I’m pretty sure though that the closer I get to Christmas, the lazier my elf will become. I always take on too many projects during the holidays. No thanks to Pinterest. Hopefully I can keep that in check this year.

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